Judas' Bible

Hard-nosed Harry walking down the street.

Typical high street - shops on either side a few market stalls - medium level of people on the streets

Harry walking medium fast pace down the street. Dressed quite smart. Eyes focused straight ahead - uninterested by everyhting going on around him - contrast shot with other people looking in windows and messing about with wallets and mobile phones.

Harry is also carrying a newspaper with him.

As he progressors down the street - a middle aged lady steps into his path and asks him stepping next to him - keeping up with his pace - if he could spare two minutes for a quick survey.

Without even looking at her (still focusing straight ahead) he raises his left arm (the one with the paper in his hand-rolled up) and swats her like a fly. She almost falls down and shields her face.

Harry not even slightly moved by the whole affair continues to walk down the road.

Right then, after my relatively sick first blog, what next?

may as well have a figure of authority in this one.

so without further ado. Here goes scene two.

SCENE TWO

I think my character will be Peter the psychologist,

Start:

Young girl walks into Colin's office.

Office - quite spacious, not much light coming in - only one small chink natural light from an old fashioned wooden frame - shaped rectangularly - with curved top (i'm sure there is a name for that type of window). Wooden desk - two chairs. One much bigger and comfier than the other. Surrounded by bookshelfs brimming with books and disorder. The desk in contrast has an in- out tray - a computer on one side and is very well ordered. Item with a red shroud over it - hard to make out, could be a mirror.

Peter - middle aged man, clean shaven, short brown hair, smart casual. Looking relaxed and extra calm with what he says.

Girl - very thin - sligtly pastey maybe - genenrally very attractive but too skinny.

P:Hello
Peter doesn't look up from his file. Sat in the big chair leaning back with his file. Very relaxed
C:Hi
almost a squeak
P: Clare is it?
Peter still looking at his file and flicking through it.
C: y...yes
Clare is still stood up - can tell from the outset that she has no confidence.
Peter looks up, looks her up and down, raises an eyebrow and goes back to his notes.
P: Please sit down Clare.
Clare takes her seat - contrasts Peter's seated position by leaning forward - shoulders down - hands on legs - very submissive.
P:So, how are you doing Clare?
Full eye contact now from Peter
C:Fine
looking at the floor
P:That's good. Are you following the diet that you were given?
Clare still looking at the floor
C:Just about doctor
Peter writes in his file
P:Call me Peter please Clare (total power)Are you exercising as much.
C: i have been trying to cut down.
Still looking at the floor
P: Are you exercising as much
C: Yes, but...
Eyes filling up with water already - very
Peter writes again on his pad
Camera flicks to the file - massive cock has been drawn.
P: and how much do you weigh now Clare?
Barrage of questions, Paxman-esque
C: I don't know doctor.
Looks frantic at the idea of weight. Briefly raises her head.
Peter spins round and gets some scales from under the desk.
P:Hop on Clare
Clare gets up very nervously looking at Peter to show that she does not want to go through with it.
P: Hop on Clare!
Louder tone - more of an order.
C: Gets on, not looking at the scales. One tear sdrips down - emotional wreck
P: Oh that's much better - you really have been eating haven't you.
Clare looks down in amazement to see the digits reading 11 stone 11 pounds.
Have a look in the mirror. Peter rips the sheet off a mirror - a distoring mirror - making her appear very fat faces the distraught Clare.
C: it...it...can't be
P: I think you have gone too much the other way now Clare. you need to calm down on the burgwers - go for a few more runs.
C: but i .. but i
P: come along now Clare - if you keep going i will have to send you to a fat camp
Clare in absolute disbelief - completely tormented by the idea of being fat.
C: but..but
P: But what?
Said in short aggressive tone.
C: i have hardly been eating
Almost broken
P: Of course not Clare and you still want the tax payer to pay for your treatment i suppose.
C: No but i can't be... i can't be
Now fully crying.
Right.. i have had enough of this Clare... i will put this in the nicest possible way. FUCK OFF YOU FAT BITCH AND STOP WASTING MY FUCKING VALUABLE TIME.
Clare runs out sobbing, her last bit of confidence evaporated forever.
Peter rocks back on his chair staring straight ahead into the camera-a cheeky wry grin comes across his face. He doesn't give a toss. He bloody loves it.

What would Michael Owen write about in his first blog?

This is the question that initially springs to mind.

Politics, Sport and Religion, there really is a plethora of topics to talk about.

Should it be funny? Preferably i think.

I could whine about things that are annoying me but i don't really see the point. I could make it fun for people to read. However, i have to admit i don't really care. So maybe it comes down to what the point in blogging is. If i was to have a guess i would suggest that people are trying to ................................................................................................................................

I have no need to finsh this sentence as i have decided my blog will be about writing a sketch show.

There are so many bad comedies on TV - Green Green Grass being particularly appalling. There are numerous others, i won't even mention the stuff ITV claims is comedy.

I like to think of myself as relatively amusing - but i could also probably be labeled a dick.

Sketch 1.

Simon Sicko is driving his car along a busy motorway. (Car is a small red one)

Camera follows him for about five seconds - including a close up of his face - crazy eyes.

Goes to the side on view - Simon passes an accident (car upside down on grass) Double take at the accident before slamming on the breaks as he passes the - three police cars in a row parked on the hard shoulder. Makes a few grunts as he opens the door eagerly.

As he gets out he takes a deep breath (to hide his excitement)

Wonders over to where a group of policemen are stood (directly in the way of his route to the accident scene).

One young officer with ginger hair spots him - breaks off from the group and stops him. Triggers a look of annoyance from Simon.

Simon addresses the police officer, tries to be authoritative.

"What happened here then officer"

PC: A nasty little accident caused by punctured tyre it seems.
Simon knowingly knods.
SI: Anyone injured officer (said trying to control the glee)
PC: A whole family actually. They have been taken away in an ambulance. Can i ask who you are?
SI: (completely disregarding the questions). Is it a real mess in their officer.
PC: Bit of blood, glass everywhere. The usual car accident scene>
Si: (snorts with glee)
PC: Frown on the officer's face
Si: Any dead officer.
PC: No (said sharply - appears to be getting more and more annoyed with the questions - glances at a big officer form the group, who reads the signal and turns to walk over.)
Si: (as if realising that the questioning is about to come to an end) Any kiddies hurt officers, any limbs left in their.
PC: Right i think you have seen plenty.
Simon makes a break to have a closer inspection but the officer walking over intercepts him and he is lead away still asking filthy questions "were they in pain officer"
Bundled in back into his car and told he would be arrested if he continued.

The End.